Surveillance Society - What Me Worry?

The Open Right Group is proceeding to a massive mosaic illustrating Britain's steady slide in to a database state. Do your bit. Link.

New Metaphor for a New Century

I am proud to announce, in these formative years of the oughties, a new, fresh, appropriate metaphor for the new millennium. A metaphor brought to you by my very own genus Rattus. Ladies and gentlemen may I present to you 'rarer than rat vomit'. 

What's wrong with the traditional rocking horse shit/hens teeth metaphor? I hear you cry.

Well that's just so 20th century is my swift response.

What's so rare about rat vomit? Surely they eat all sort of crap, ergo they must vomit.

Not so. See here. They regurgitate but that's not the same. It does not achieve the projectile nature of the vomit and is mechanically quite different. Regurgitation is a vomit manque, a mere shadow of your projectile hurl. 

So, my rodent millennial metaphor - I thank you.

World May End with a Toot Rather than a Bang or a Whimper

Latest doomsday scenario comes to us via the Grauniad where we are told that some scientists believe that an expellation of methane from the Siberian seabed - a sort of global fart if you like. Now methane is 21 times more potent as a heat trap than carbon dioxide so the end result, if you'll pardon the phrase, could be a rapid early onset of extreme global warming. Methane released from the seabed is, according to the article, mostly consumed by micro-organisms but a major trump could make it into the atmosphere where it could precipitate a rapid acceleration of atmospheric warming. As apocalyptic visions go this is one of the best. The idea that this noble endeavour we call a planet could terminate with one gloriously all-enveloping fart just goes to prove my suspicion that the Supreme Being has a truly galactic sense of humour.

As a footnote it also proves that the West Virginian police who charged an individual for farting with extreme prejudice were so obviously ahead of the curve on this one.

As a verruca-note (below footnote) that charged has been er... dropped on instructions from the assistant prosecutor. Probably for lack of tangible evidence.

Ya couldn't make it up!

New Labour(Conservative Lite) Introducing Orwell for the Rest of Us

Cory Doctrow over on Boing Boing has written a scary piece on how he, as a non-British resident will have to carry one of the new biometric ID cards. Remember folks, this brave new world is being brought to you by the Association of Chief Police Officers centre-fold pin-up lickspittle Jaqui Smith our beloved Home Secretary. ACPO says, 'Jump!' Jaqui says 'How high?'

George Orwell would have been proud of her dedication to making the people of Britain into the most spied upon, most tracked, most databased population on the planet. But hey, if you've done nothing wrong, you've got nothing to fear. Tell that to Jean Charles De Menezes or Stefan Kizko or any of the numerous other victims of the miscarriage of justice in this fine and pleasant land.

To paraphrase Neil Kinnock, we are being treated to the spectacle of a Labour Government, a Labour Government, scuttling round slicing huge raw lumps off our liberties in the name of security. Seems that they only have to scare us shitless to gain themselves carte blanche to massacre the very society hundreds of our dedicated forbears worked so hard to achieve.

That these abominations should be foisted on us by a governmet purporting to be left-wing is all the more ironic.

Good Job No One Told 'Em About Bangers

I dunno, one incident and the whole of North America goes batshit crazy. Post 11 September (no I wont call it that!) the law enforcement bods in the good old US of A seem to have developed what can only be described as pre-emptive trigger finger syndrome (PTF). This manifests itself in a ludicrously over the top reaction to mudane occurrences. Clocked this on Digg and wondered what would have happened if a cockney had called this in reporting a package of 'bangers' lost and alone in Philly. True there was some duct tape in evidence and as we all know duct tape is dangerous stuff but to overcook these delicacies with an explosion, however controlled, must rank as slightly OTT. Link.

Accentuate the Positive, Eliminate the Negative and...Fish!

I love this triumph of the human spirit in the face of disaster. No, not famine, flood or pestilence but the sad loss of one of lifes little gems - an iPhone. Having accidentally dropped his iPhone into a river this guy has turned his bricked phone into fishing lures in an attempt to hook another species on the Jesus phone. Nice one. Link.

Laugh and the World Laughs With You, Fart.....

This small hiatus via Boing Boing shows that flatulence will get you charged and I don't mean in a good way.
If odour is to be regarded as the use of deadly force then there are certain individuas of my acquaintance who should be locked up now to prevent deeds of extreme violence roaming our streets. It's not just your gat that you keep under your arm.