Whoopee Cushion For The Digital Age

Nothing, it seems, can dent the public's propensity for potty humour. There is, apparently, a rash of fart applications for the iPhone which seem dedicated to little more than making your shiny phaser-like multi-function computer-in-a-cigarette packet into nothing more than a £300 whoopee cushion. The Jesus phone which packs oodles of computing power into it's slim form, can pinpoint your position to within a few feet, post to your blog, text blah, blah, blah is also an amazing flatulence device and has 'em rolling in the aisles. Adolescence, it seems, does last forever.

I went to a Staus Quo concert last night and apart from the relentless volume of the Quo which, to be honest, I find difficult to bear these days (my ears are still ringing this morning which I suppose would be classed by the group as a result of sorts) the one sensual memory that remains is the periodic smell of flatulence from one anonymous audience member who let one go with monotonous regularity. At least the iPhone app hasn't yet achieved the goal of an aromatic application. If it ever does I for one will be staying away from public places forever in case phasers are, indeed, set to stun.

It may seem from the above post that I did not enjoy the Quo or their support act Manfred Mann's Earth Band. Nothing could be further from the truth. MMEBs vocalist, Noel McCalla,  is amazing and the Quo rocked... I could just have done without the aromatic accompaniment.

World May End with a Toot Rather than a Bang or a Whimper

Latest doomsday scenario comes to us via the Grauniad where we are told that some scientists believe that an expellation of methane from the Siberian seabed - a sort of global fart if you like. Now methane is 21 times more potent as a heat trap than carbon dioxide so the end result, if you'll pardon the phrase, could be a rapid early onset of extreme global warming. Methane released from the seabed is, according to the article, mostly consumed by micro-organisms but a major trump could make it into the atmosphere where it could precipitate a rapid acceleration of atmospheric warming. As apocalyptic visions go this is one of the best. The idea that this noble endeavour we call a planet could terminate with one gloriously all-enveloping fart just goes to prove my suspicion that the Supreme Being has a truly galactic sense of humour.

As a footnote it also proves that the West Virginian police who charged an individual for farting with extreme prejudice were so obviously ahead of the curve on this one.

As a verruca-note (below footnote) that charged has been er... dropped on instructions from the assistant prosecutor. Probably for lack of tangible evidence.

Ya couldn't make it up!