Signage and Tattoo Removal in the Vanguard of the New Economy

Just what we need - more signs. A coroner has called for signs on beaches warning the public of the risk of sand tunnels caving in and suffocating diggers TO DEATH. I live in a wood in Dorset and when I came here ten years ago the few vertical objects that existed had branches on them and pine needles. Now, since the Health and Safety Executive got it's act together we have signs, lots of signs - signs to tell us to stop, signs to tell us to go, signs to tell us how the stop/go thingy works to wit: when the red light shows wait here - WTF? I have lived almost sixty years and never, in all that time, has anyone, ever had to explain to me how a traffic light works but now apparently they do. I even managed, without attending courses, to work out what the red lights flashing over the street junctions in my childhood Dublin(the affectionately known Winking Willies), were about at the age of six. What next - a sign telling me how to read the signs perhaps or regularly spaced signs all round our coastline reading 'Warning! Risk of Drowning'. Still on the positive side this may be just what's needed to prevent coastal erosion.

What about tattoo removal?

What?

You said something about tattoo removal.

Oh yeah that. Well, with all the individuals around proving their individuality by having myriad bits of their bodies drawn on by people with vibrating pencils, there's going to be a HUGE market in tattoo removal techniques when they all wake up and realise how repulsive they all look as their skin begins to sag and their bulges begin to expand with advancing age.

So the Brown/Darling axis need not worry. The economy will be kickstarted by the twin prongs of the booming signage industry and the flowering of the de-flowering business.

Ooo er missus!

STFU!!

Island Life and Insanity

Living on the Isle of Purbeck is a Dorset idyll and for ten months of the year it's utter bliss. In July and August, however, Mr World + dog descends on this picturesque peninsula (not an island despite its title) and the peninsula wars begin. Like any war there are a series of battles. 

The Battle of Parking in which the year-long residents struggle to find a spot to rest their wheels. Personally I take to two wheels (motorised, I'm not a complete idiot) to avoid the nightmare of finding a parking space. 

The Battle for the Streets. For some reason holiday makers seem to thing that a) they are indestructible and b) the normal traffic regulations have been suspended for the duration of their visit. Since all these visits overlap in the high season months the towns in Purbeck seem to become pedestrianised by democratic vote at this time and the normal pavement-street delineation is put on hold. 

The Battle of the Beach where interesting territorial tribal rites take place and strange behaviour abounds. At what stage in our evolution did someone think 'Hey, here's a stretch of sand with people, some of them quite small people, sitting/lying/standing shoulder to shoulder, let's play football/frisbee/any activity involving hurling projectiles long distances to inept catchers'.

So the towns are invaded by people on foot and the countryside is invaded by people on bikes and people on foot and people in cars all with the view that Purbeck is a great big playground, and so it is. Much of the area's economy depends on this annual influx and its attendant cash deluge but things seem to be changing and not for the better. People are ruder, more aggressive, demand more consideration but offer less in return. What was once a minor but acceptable irritation is rapidly becoming unbearable. All this seem to be a function of an increasing population density in every sense of the word. Too many people to the square mile and too many thick people.

It's been know for some time that if you cram rats into smaller and smaller cages they eventually start to eat their own young and all sort of aberrant behaviour is initiated by overcrowding. My own young are too big to eat but some of the younger, tenderer offspring on the beach are beginning to look extremely appetising.